I have two bus loads of fans that follow me every where I go. It’s weird. They park outside my residence and even when I just step outside for a quick minute to check my mail, they start cheering, waving at me and yelling my name (to the music of We Want Eazy-e)
Bus driver over speaker system: There he is!!!! Tell him, who you came to see
Fans: KEITH-IE, we want KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: Everybody come on,
Fans: KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: Who'd y'all come to see?
Fans: KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: A little louder come on!
Fans: KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: Get those hands in the air!
Fans: KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: Come on, come on-say it!
Fans: KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: Hey yo tour guide, lets do this...
(Tour guide gets on speaker system)
People from everywhere gather around
Checkin' out the comedy that Keith-ie is throwin' down
With some help from God and dad and mom
Makin' a way with dope styles
Yo KEITH-IE, what ya gotta say?
(Then I shyly chime in with a high voice on the up beat)
I’m a miracle of modern creation
KMA on the set
Hyped up with the bass
And a little bit of what ya love
From a brother who's smooth like a criminal
I mean subliminal
Otherwise known as a villain
Because I'm ruthless
When I spot a good joke, I kill 'it
But most I think know not to deal with me
Yo, it's obvious, tell 'em who you came to see
(Then I begin to tease them with my pop and lock dance moves)
Fans going wild: KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: Everybody come on!
Fans: KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: A little louder say it!
Fans: KEITH-IE
Bus driver over speaker system: Come on say it, say it, say it!
Fans: KEITH-IE
A person on the second bus yells: Why you share true life experiences on stage, Keith?
Me: I share true life experiences on stage, fo' easy authentic access baby.
A person on the first bus yells
Yo Keith, where we takin' this jam to?
Me: ALTADENA
Where?
Me: ALTADENA
As I move my shoulders to the beat I open my arms wide toward my fans and yell:
All of Me, why don’t you just Take All Of Me (yes, my tribute to Hillsong United)
I’m just playing, the playing, the playing
Welcome to Fantasy Island
(just then three of my neighbors come out and we do a little synchronized steps together and the bus load of people go ape wild as they hit the record button on their video cams.)
(I start to do the moon walk around BOTH buses. The crowd can’t control themselves and the buses begin to literally shake side to side, as I bust out these last rhymes.)
Aw, never, I'm just too clever
So, in fact, that no one can sever
A blow from a maniac and yo, I make it clear
So a register is all I hear
Money overturned, then I jet
To make another comedy routine, for you to go and get
Comedy shows sold out because you love it
Another example of how Keith-ie duz it
EVERONE:
We want Keith-ie...
Then I wave and head back inside my apartment to watch my DVR recording of First 48 Hours.